More Funny Stuff

More Flies in the Ointment!

Waiter! There's a Fly in my Cream of Elephant Soup!

Continuing on with the conversation with that a friend after a long excursion with friends hiking in the hills on a glorious, perhaps too glorious hot sunny summer day - sans hat - The Gnome remembered that his friend did not like to wear hats, caps, nor bonnets. They made her look too old. He suggested maybe a scarf. He knew she made a wrinkly face at that from the way she must have typed that scarves were for old women. Gnorman - for that is the name of the Gnome - opinioned that Princess Di wore scarves and looked great. His friend retorted that Di could look great in anything.

Later on the Gnome said out of the blue:

Bloink!

Gnomes sometimes do that out of the blue.

Another friend, Mr Monkey said:

Could you put that in a Banner - I'm having problems reading it.

So the Gnome obliged:

a BaBloinknner

...being the Gnome is an obliging sort of fellow.

Well Mr Monkey responded:

My eyes are bouncing so I can't see things clearly.

Mrs Fairy, the sun blessed hatless one admitted:

Minee felt a bit like that yesterday evening, touch too much sun I think!!

Mr Monkey responded (we are an odd group):

Nonono! No touch the sun - HOT! Not a good thing to touch at all!

Mrs Fairy further admitted:

You are right of course, my own fault, went waking on the hills with no hat

The Gnome being ever helpful said:

I told her that we would have to start sending her scarves if she wouldn't start wearing hats on her hikes and walks in the sun. Maybe she might wear a Tilly Endurable hat?

Mr Monkey considered:

That is a good thought - but perhaps not one that has been tested like the one that was eaten by an elephant and later retreaved.

The Gnome pondered a bit - and that can be dangerous and was proven so even today...

I have found that thoughts that had been ruminated upon make for much better thoughts, and I have heard there are not much better ruminators than elepodunks.

I think that scarves are to women what ties are to men... but scarves are much more useful because there are fewer ways to wear ties and really except for tourniquets and blindfolds there aren't too many uses to ties other than fancy dress.

Of course scarves while also useful as ways of expression in manner of colour, pattern, size, shape, material, and texture, have many more ways of being worn including as an impromptu tie. Where as ties can only pretend to maybe be worn as a headband or armband or drumandbugleband and the later is not really a good pretend.

A scarve, or scarf (see you can even find two ways to spell it really even plural if you have a number of scarfs or scarves) can even save your life!

There are even two really basic sorts of scarf if you look at the sort that are more traditionally the square sort to hold in the hair and the long narrow type used to hold out the cold.

Yes scarves have IT! even if you don't look at their cousin the veil!

Need I mention this is the first warm weather of the season?

Note some of the Gnome Conversations are stolen from conversations from "The Gnome's Garden" a Forum Based BBS that he runs as BelGnorman the Gnome. Names are modified to protect the innocent.

#34.

Funny Stuff

A Bowl of Soap... er Soup.

What's That Fly Doing In My Soap?

Upon hearing that a friend after a long excursion with friends hiking in the hills on a glorious, perhaps too glorious hot sunny summer day - sans hat - The Gnome heard her to say that:

"I spent two or three minutes looking in the clothes tumble drier and the clothes washer for the bowl of tomato soup I had been heating in the microwave."

The Gnome's response was:

"It is far far better to look for a bowl of soup in the clothes tumble dryer than to find one in there. That goes almost as much so for the clothes washer. Clothes washers tend to be rugged individuals and can take care of themselves soup-wise - even tomato soup-wise - in particular if teamed up with low phosphate detergent. Not so good for improving the taste of the soup I am afraid."

I wonder if that was from personal experience?

Later!
~ Darrell

Metric Alphabet

Ten Letters - The Metric Alphabet

How many letters do we need anyway? We had that big move to metric and having everything in units of ten. So let's look at the alphabet! Twenty-six letters indeed! Not even an even two dozen! Let's start off with vowels. First off with English everyone pronounces all the vowels differently depending on where they are. So why even bother to have different ones. One persons "a" is the next one's "e" and we already pile two, three or even four sounds per letter when it comes to vowels. So lets just have the One vowel! Let's chose one tht doesn't look like a number so let's not use "I" or "O". That leaves A,E, or U. A, and E are harder to draw and so similar in the lower case "a" and "e" so let's go with "U" or "u". Let's put it at the beginning of the alphabet too so there is no confusion!

26 - ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
22 - UBCDFGHJKLMNPQRSTVWXYZ

Okay now 12 more letters to go... we really use "C" "K" and "Q" for the same sound. Which one shall we keep? Let us keep the "C"... I have method to my madness here!

20 - UBCDFGHJLMNPRSTVWXYZ

Halfway there! Now we have used "S" for both "S" and "Z" sounds, so let's just use "S". Then we don't have to worry about the "Zee" vs "Zed" thing anymore either.

19 - UBCDFGHJLMNPRSTVWXY

Hmm, there's that "X" there... well that is another "K" sound, just always with a leading "E" just like "Q" is a "K" sound followed by a "U". So we can drop the "X" out too.

18 - UBCDFGHJLMNPRSTVWY

Now then, "Y"... It is either a vowel or ... like a "J" sort of... so well we already have our vowel and we can use "J" so...

17 - UBCDFGHJLMNPRSTVW

Talking about "J". We can use "G" to make both the hard and soft "G" sound so we only need the one letter, so let us go for "G".

16 - UBCDFGHLMNPRSTVW

People drop "H"s all the time so lets drop it.

15 - UBCDFGLMNPRSTVW

Could we get away with combining "V" and "W"? Let's.

14 - UBCDFGLMNPRSTV

Now "V" and "F" also have nearly the same sound so let us combine them and use the letter "F" because "V" looks too much like "U".

13 - UBCDFGLMNPRST

Getting there... "M" & "N" are a no brainer...

12 - UBCDFGLNPRST

We also have been using C and S for the same sounds too... remember I had method too keeping the C out of the "K" "Q" "X" thing. So we drop the "S"

11 - UBCDFGLNPRT

We could go a couple directions really... D-T or B-P Let's combine the B and P since they look similar...P looks too much like D so we will keep the B.

10 - UBCDFGLNRT

So there we have it, our new Metric Alphabet! Or UBCFGLNRT!

So how do we spell:

Dog? TUG

Cat? CUT

Hello? ULLU

Spell? CPULL

TU NUTRUC ULFUBUT! - THE METRIC ALPHABET!

I still have to work on dipthongs and silent letters.... "th" "ch" and so forth... well I can't work it all out in one artcle.

Later!
~ Darrell

Wordplay

Poking Fun...

In a forum conversation about some of the silliness in asking a person with actual learning disability in spelling aptitude the gnome added:

Yeah and try to look up lieutenant (wow I spelled it right first go! though the spell checker insists that "spelled" is spelt wrong... or more that I should say that it was not spelt right.) That and bureau. I mean with bureau if you get it wrong you might start with beaureau or leiutenant.... and if you start looking in a dictionary there are so very many combinations of vowels... enough to make bowel sounds come forth with the effart.

...not to mention the phonetic of us who woud be seeking an "F".

BTW what is it with purple brains?

They keep referring to them when someone thinks of something brilliant. If someone comes up with something clever that someone else also has out comes the old saw: Grape minds think alike. Whatever that means....