Grandma & Grandpa's Farm

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Are You My Mommy?

Are You My Mom?

'Twas simple back when families at least seemed simpler. One Mom, One Dad, perhaps two sets of Grandparents, and between 1 and a dozen kids. Well, maybe the dozen kids might not be so simple... and of course between none and and 2 dozen uncles and aunts and between none and 144 cousins...... double that. up to 4 dozen aunts and uncles and 288 first cousins. That is assuming a maximum family size of 12. But I figure even in a time of large families you could halve that to 24 uncles and aunts and 144 cousins... now that is a lot still... ...and none of the cousins marrying yet...

And, not taking into account the slightly rarer then divorce and remarriage or widowhood or widowerhood and remarriage...

Which gets me onto the subject... Many families make a distinction on what they call their maternal and paternal sets of grandparents. Some of us got away with Gramma and Grampa for both sets because they lived a thousand miles apart and we could say Gramma and Grampa from Calgary and Gramma and Grampa from Manitoba. We also said Grandma and Grandpa as well when we got older. (Meaning my Sister and I.)

I know other families and Ompas and Nannas and all sorts of other things and I am sure that many were based on their family ethnic background and I am all for that as foreign as they might sound to my ears.

But there now are more and more families where parents have split up for many reasons and remarried or just taken up house together with or without adopting children and with bringing children with or not...

A friend had her Mom and her "Pseudo-Dad" as well as her Dad and "Pseudo-Mom". Though I mostly heard her refer to her Dad's wife.

Still there is the term StepMother and StepFather for such situation. Also Adopted Father and Adopted Mother. With that we have added Birth Mother so I guess with that Birth Father... though more often I hear "Deadbeat Dad"... not saying that all non-custodial Fathers don't support their children. It is just what I hear so often...

Along with Birth Mother is Biological Mother. I think the two terms have been used synonymously for a long time as has Genetic Mother. I think for now I might get away from referring to the paternal line.

When children are given up for adoption normally they just refer to the adopting Mother as "Mother" and the Mother who gave up the child as the "Birth Mother".

Things are still very pre 70's so far really...

But then up steps "in-vitro fertilization" - not to mention sperm donors.

So there can be the Mother who carries the baby to term and the Mother who raises the baby to childhood. There can be a different Mother who takes over raising the child with a second marriage sometime in the child's childhood. That would be the Surrogote Mother and Mother with the Step Mother afterwards. But then the egg might be donated by another woman, the Genetic Mother. Would the Surrogote Mother be the Biological Mother or would the Genetic Mother be the Biological Mother?

Anyhow the child would have the Genetic Mother/BiologicalMother (egg donar), Surrogate Mother/Birth Mother (womb mother/gestational mother), and then the more traditional Mother/Adoptive Mother (diaper changing, bottle feeding mother). That would be followed by the StepMother/2nd Adoptive Mother. Wow... the second Sunday in May could get very confusing if everyone stayed in contact.

I figured I would stay away from Fathers... even though Father's day is just a couple days away...

...or maybe they are simpler... Genetic Father/Biological Father (sperm donar) traditional Father (diaper changing, bottle feeding) non-custodial Father, Step Father.

I was thinking of the more complicated situation since there still is the traditional Mother who provides egg, womb, cuddling and breast feeding and bringing up as well as the Father who provides sperm, prenatal support, and cuddling and bringing up too.

No way am I getting into Cousins!

~ Darrell

PS I have one Loving Mother and one Loving Father - had two Loving Grandfathers and two Loving Grandmothers. Tomorrow might be Fathers' Day, but I'll add right here:

H A P P Y - F A T H E R S ' - D A Y !

To all you Fathers and Fathers-to-be out there!


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