Found in my notes - a personal bill of rights

Personal Bill of Rights

I found this personal bill of rights on a folded piece of paper tucked away in my secretary after my move last Fall. The list includes a couple paragraphs about it afterwards which I will include at the end of the list. I figured I would post it here:

MY PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS

   1. I have numerous choices in my life beyond mere survival.
   2. I have a right to discover and know myself.
   3. I have a right to follow my own values and standards.
   4. I have a right to recognize and accept my own value system as appropriate.
   5. I have a right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or violates my values.
   6. I have a right to dignity and respect.
   7. I have a right to make decisions.
   8. I have a right to determine and honor my own priorities.
   9. I have a right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
  10. I have the right to terminate conversations with people when it leads me to feel put down and humiliated.
  11. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
  12. I have a right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
  13. I have a right to expect honesty from others.
  14. I have a right to all of my feelings.
  15. I have a right to be angry at someone I love.
  16. I have a right to be uniquely me, without feeling I'm not good enough.
  17. I have a right to feel scared and to say "I'm afraid."
  18. I have the right to experience and then let go of fear, guilt, and shame.
  19. I have a right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgement or any reasons that I choose.
  20. I have a right to change my mind at any time.
  21. I have a right to be happy.
  22. I have a right to stability — i.e., "roots" and stable healthy relationships of my choice.
  23. I have the right to my own personal space and time needs.
  24. There is no need to smile when I cry.
  25. It is OK to be relaxed, playful and frivolous.
  26. I have the right to be flexible and be comfortable with doing so.
  27. I have the right to change and grow.
  28. I have the right to be open and to improve communication skills so that I may be understood.
  29. I have a right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
  30. I have a right to be in a non-abusive environment.
  31. I can be healthier than those around me.
  32. I can take care of myself, no matter what.
  33. I have the right to grieve over actual or threatened losses.
  34. I have the right to trust others who earn my trust.
  35. I have the right to forgive others and to forgive myself.

In our recovery process, we begin to discover that we have rights as individual human beings. As children and even as adults we may have ben treated by others as though we had few or no rights. We may have ourselves come to believe that we had no rights. And we may be living our lives now as though we have none.

The above personal bill of rights are taken from a compilation of several groups and may be considered until you have your own personal bill of rights that is a part of your recovery.

Rivercrest Hospital, San Angelo, Texas, 1991

I am not sure where I picked up this list, but know it was at least 10 years ago and probably in some program or other — perhaps at business college in their personal development segment — and it is on a piece of paper that was possibly printed on a word processor rather than a computer printer. Anyhow I think it is worthy of reading through even if you might think it a little "flower child". I won't tell you which one I have checked off on that list in particular, though even after all these years, I remember checking it off.

Later!
~ Darrell

156.

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¹ A "secretary" is a small desk in the form of a bookshelf with a leaf that folds down for a writing surface. Mine is a small bookshelf that my Grandfather made for one of my Uncles and was passed down to me when I was in Grade School.

Grumpy Old Man -- Sticky Fingers

Why is it so Hard to Get People to Let Go of Your Money?

I have noticed that sometimes there can be a tendency for people to have problems letting go of money. I am thinking of especially when it is your money owed to you by them. It seems like some people expect that deposits are something that they can expect to keep unless someone makes a fuss. I have to admit to being pretty lucky with it and have had great relationships with my landlords, but have seen exceptions that people have run into.

There are many good people out there who are prompt with returning deposits whether on rentals or whether a matter of overpayment or simply in having to make change at a later date for some reason. Perhaps I just run on a different sense of financial respect? I really do not like owing people money and would rather pay early or pay a bit more rather than pay a bit too little.

Yet again and again when in money situations I find people being shorted because someone was being... is this where the term "tight fisted" really comes in to play?

Most friends of mine have taken to making sure that when in groups at restaurants that the get a separate check. That is because far too often a group bill gets shorted and the last person in the restaurant has to make up the shortfall even taking into account the money people have added for gratuities. Even double checking the bill to ensure there is no overbilling the money comes up short so very often. My closer social circle has tended to be the ones footing the bill for the shortage. That is why the tendency for us to want separate checks. We trust each other when we go to restaurants, but though we don't know who is doing it in larger groups, we don't like the burden even if we might  be able to afford it.

If someone were to be polite enough to ask in advance for a bit of help with a meal, that would be different.

But I wonder how many damage deposits are forfetted simply because it becomes awkward for the renters to get it back? The landlord -- if it is a matter of rental property -- just doesn't come through with the damage deposit right away even though no damage is done and having moved out of the area it becomes difficult to contact and get back to them. So the landlord can just pocket the money. It is something I hear happening fairly often. But like I said there are great landlords out there and there are also so very many people who skip out on their rent leaving landlords with whole suites full of furniture to deal with disposing of.

The problem really seems to be where it is "someone else's money" involved. That is like the old problem where someone gets a cell phone in someone else's name. Because they are not paying the bill directly very often people just are not careful of the minutes and charges on the phone like they might be if they paid the bill directly. The same goes for when utilities are included in rent. People have a greater tendency to leave lights burning or water running if they do not see the bill directly.

I think often people have to feel the money leaving their pocket or to know it is a cost to them

I wonder if this is something that is getting worse or if it has always been this way? Were borrowed horses always ridden harder? Did people of old have problems getting colateral back or were fingers always sticky?

Later!
~ Darrell

154.

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Aditional images from Image*After.